Why Thunder Gods and Aprons Do Not Mix
by Cordelia Darcy
Summary: In which Thor discovers the joys of The Cooking Channel, and Jane decides to solve her problems like any reasonable adult would- by throwing things. Post-Avengers oneshot, Thor/Jane fluff.


**I'm not quite sure what prompted this- maybe I just needed a break from a certain green-eyed god of mischief and all his angst ;)**

**In any case, forgive the fluffy ridiculousness- erm, I mean, what? Of _course_ this story is entirely plausible!**

**Dedicated to the always lovely GoldenPheasant, without whom this fic would still be hiding in my purple notebook.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I still don't own Thor. I'm working to remedy this situation, but for the time being, take comfort in the fact that if I *did* own it, crap like this would happen all the time.**

* * *

Jane Foster was having a bad day.

She was short on sleep, the SHIELD agent appointed by Nick Fury had taken it upon himself to become her personal babysitter, and Darcy failed to see any reason why bringing her new cat with her to the lab was a bad idea. (Jane's two beta fish- now deceased- felt otherwise.) On top of all that, she had the nagging feeling that she was forgetting something important...

She attempted to banish these thoughts from her mind as she walked up the sidewalk leading to her recently acquired two-story bungalow, pausing to give it an admiring look. Overprotective agent aside, she had to admit that there were some definite perks to being on SHIELD's radar. _Speaking of perks..._ She smirked to herself. If she was lucky, there would be a toned blonde god waiting for her inside, and in that case she had the feeling that her day would drastically improve.

Normally there was about a fifty-fifty chance that he would get home before she did, since it was impossible to know when he'd be called in for an Avengers mission. She automatically started digging around in her purse for her elusive keys before noticing that the door was cracked slightly open. Hmm, it would seem Thor had managed to beat her there today- not that she minded. Maybe she could talk him into giving her a neck massage...and making her a cup of tea...and making Darcy's cat "have a little accident"...okay, maybe just the neck massage. Yes, a nice, quiet evening would be just what she needed.

Jane pushed the door open...and was enveloped by a cloud of smoke. Her eyes stung.

"What the-?"

She waved her hands, vainly attempting to clear the air.

"Thor? (cough) Are you (cough) here?"

From the general direction of the kitchen she heard something hit the ground with an earsplitting metallic clang, followed by what sounded like a muttered string of Norwegian curses. Blindly, she felt her way along the wall of the entryway until she reached the door to the kitchen, from which the smoke seemed to be emanating. Upon entering, Jane was met with a sight which she'd not soon forget.

The room had evidently been hit by a tornado. Pots and pans littered the floor, the fridge was wide open, and every surface appeared to be covered in a coating of flour. And in the middle of it all, looking sheepish, stood Thor.

_Wearing an apron. _(The small part of Jane's brain that was still functioning noted that is was the "Kiss the Cook" apron that she had received as a "gift" from Tony Stark)

His normally golden hair had a whitish, powdery tint, and there was a streak that looked suspiciously like chocolate across the left side of his face. The apron appeared to have been on the losing side of a war. Their eyes met, and Thor turned a color usually reserved for ripe tomatoes.

"I...I was not expecting you to return so soon, I thought-"

She cut him off. "Um, Thor? First do you want to tell me what exactly happened to the kitchen? Which, may I point out, I spent last night cleaning?" She hadn't thought it was possible for him to turn any redder- she was wrong.

"Forgive me Jane. I only meant to- well, last night after you fell asleep, I was unable to locate the device that changes the channel on the television, so I was forced to view what you call "The Cooking Channel".

Jane's eyebrows raised- this was getting more interesting. "And?" she prodded.

He cleared his throat. "And...a woman who called herself "Rachel Ray" provided instructions on how to prepare a romantic dinner. So I wrote down all- well, most- of the directions,"- he gestured to a slightly crumpled scrap of paper in the counter- "and today I followed them exactly. Almost."

Oh, so he'd been trying to make dinner. With that in mind, things made a lot more sense- such as the charred remains of what might've once been a turkey that currently sat smoldering in the oven, and the flour everywhere...

Wait a minute.

"What did you need flour for? And is that_ chocolate_ on your face?" Thor's hand immediately flew to his face in what appeared to be an attempt to conceal it, which proved futile, seeing as his hand was also covered in chocolate. Jane had to stifle a laugh.

"Er...no, this is, uh, nothing-" the thunder god stammered, edging slightly towards the sink.

"Uh huh." She crossed the room briskly, heading for the sink. "Well, if it's "nothing", then I'm sure you won't mind me seeing what's behind you." A flash of panic went through his blue eyes. "Jane, wait-" On instinct, he held out his hands to block her- and consequently rubbed flour all across the front of her shirt. Her favorite, _black _shirt.

Thor froze, eyes widening as he saw what he'd done. His mouth opened and closed a couple times, as if he was trying to form an apology, but couldn't find the appropriate words. If she'd given him enough time he might have eventually thought of something, but just then Jane had an idea.

Would it be childish? Probably.

Would it make more work for her? Most likely.

Would it be worth it? She smirked. _Hell. Yes. _

In one fluid movement she grabbed an egg from the carton lying open on the counter and smashed it on his head, rubbing the yolk into his hair with her palm. The thunder god's face was priceless. For an instant he appeared bewildered, but the gleam in her eyes was soon reflected in his own, and his expression looked eerily like the one often worn by Loki. He flashed her a grin. Oh, it was on. Quickly scanning the room, Jane saw to her delight that a wide range of weapons were readily available as a result of Thor's cooking endeavor. But which to use first?

_Hmm...the turkey? _No, too heavy. _Bowl of applesauce? _Maybe...wait, who bought that?

Jane was jolted from her strategizing by the feel of something cold and wet sliding down her neck and shoulders. She whipped her head down only to be greeted by the sight of her shirt- now covered in the leftover salsa from when they'd ordered take-out last week. She shot him a death glare. So he wanted to play dirty, did he? Well, two could play that game.

"You know, I kind of like your additions to my shirt," she began, stepping closer to him, "and I was thinking I'd return the favor."

Before he had time to duck, she seized the bowl of flour sitting near the sink and flung the contents into his face. This sent Thor into a flurry of coughing, mixed with laughter. "Hey! (cough) That's not fair, you got it in my eyes, I can't (cough) see!" Oh, he should _not _have admitted that.

* * *

For the first time in his life, Thor found himself on the losing end of a battle. His temporary flour-induced blindness had rendered him vulnerable (he made a mental note never to introduce Loki to the "joys" of cooking), and his opponent obviously wasn't in a merciful mood. As a rather sizable handful of olives pelted the side of his head, Thor decided that leaving the entire contents of the refrigerator strewn about the room (he had told himself he would put it all away...eventually) was definitely not his best idea. Though he wouldn't go so far as to say he regretted it- he couldn't deny he was getting some enjoyment out of this...

A pomegranate hit him square in the windpipe.

Well, maybe "enjoyment" wasn't the right word. Gods, when had her aim gotten so good? He was beginning to regret persuading her to take that SHIELD self-defense class. Fighting his way through a flurry of Fruit Loops - damn it, she'd found the breakfast cereal- he made his way to the island in the center of the kitchen and ducked down behind it.

"Er, Jane, could you...perhaps...spare the Cocoa Puffs? I'm rather fond of them, and-"

The entire contents of the box rained down on his head. _Hmm, I probably should have expected that. _He gritted his teeth. Well, if _this _was how she wanted it, then so be it.

"I did not desire for it to come to this, but I know where you've hidden the Twizzlers." There was a long pause.

"Thor, so help me, if you so much as _think _about touching those, I will- wait, how do you know where they are?"

He chuckled. "I used the secret Asgardian method of walking past while you were getting some."

Thor could practically hear her rolling her eyes as she responded. "Hmm, I'll have to learn that one. But seriously, those are mine."

"I beg your pardon Jane, but I believe that the Cocoa Puffs were _mine_, and that did not seem to stop you from pouring them all over my head," he said sourly.

"I...well...that was different- besides, look what you did to the kitchen!"

He tentatively peered out from behind the island. "Aren't you perhaps...er, overreacting a bit?"

She seemed incredulous. "_I'm_ overreacting? You ruin my shirt- and my kitchen- and I'm overreacting?" She looked at him pointedly; he cleared his throat. "I will admit, you are correct about the shirt. But as for the kitchen, I believe that the majority of the damage was done by you."

* * *

He seemed to be attempting a stern tone, but the twitch of his lips betrayed him. Jane was suddenly struck by the absurdity of the situation. She had just had a food fight with a _Norse god. _(And had held her own quite nicely, if she did say so herself.) And over what? The aforementioned god had sullied her previously immaculate kitchen- while trying to cook her a romantic dinner. And in return...she had pelted him with food.

_Wonderful thinking Jane, throw things at the sexy blonde man attempting to pamper you. You sure showed him! _

She sighed in resignation. "Why can I never stay mad at you?"

Thor smirked. 'Perhaps it's my irresistible good looks?" She snorted. "Just keep telling yourself that."

"...I see you're not denying it."

Jane grinned. "You caught me. What can I say? I just can't resist a man in an apron- _especially_ that one." He looked down at the apron, his puzzled expression turning to one of amusement. "I hadn't noticed that- but now that you have so graciously pointed it out, I feel it is absolutely necessary for you do as it commands."

Hmm, okay, Jane could work with this.

"As the chef commands..." Keeping her eyes locked on his, she crossed the space between them with tantalizing slowness. She held his gaze as she reached up and threaded her fingers through his flour-sprinkled hair, leaned in until their noses were almost touching, parted her lips...and whispered, "...but first, I think you should take a shower."

She had never seen him move so fast; he was out of the room and she could hear the shower running before she could close her mouth. She smirked- _success. _Thor had temporarily forgotten about whatever it was on the counter that he'd been trying to hide from her. She walked over to left of the sink, which had previously been blocked by a certain nervous thunder god. There sat...a cake?

Jane quirked an eyebrow. _Really? I guess he wanted to surprise me, but why go to all that effort- _ It was then that she noticed what was _written _on the cake: "Happy Anniversary", painstakingly spelled out in chocolate icing. It was slightly smudged (likely a result of his attempt to hide it) and the "y"s looked more like "q"s, but still she found herself grinning uncontrollably.

Thor, prince of Asgard and wielder of Mjolnir, had _baked her a cake_. Oh, he would definitely be getting that kiss.

It took a second for the words to sink in-_ Happy Anniversary_.

_Shit_. So _that's_ what she'd been forgetting. The irony of the situation was not lost on her- she wasn't quite sure how Thor even knew what an anniversary _was_, much less managed to remember theirs and make her a gift. And she, as usual, had managed to screw things up, completely forgetting about the whole thing. _What kind of woman forgets her own anniversary? Aren't men supposed to do that? __I guess I'll just have to make it up to him...m__aybe we can have Cocoa Puffs for dinner tomorrow-_

She heard the distinctive squeak of the shower turning off, and was greeted by the sight of Thor with a towel wrapped around his waist, sans shirt, dripping water all over the floor. "I apologize, I was unable to find my towel, so I had to use yours..." He trailed off, finally noticing that she was standing next to the cake. His eyes narrowed as the realization hit him. "You did not _really_ wish for me to bathe did you? You merely wanted to see what I was concealing."

His gaze drifted to the cake, then back to her. "I- I was not finished yet, this "Rachel Ray"'s instructions on how to frost the cake proved very unhelpful. I attempted to reason with her, but she did not appear to hear me. I also endeavored to call Darcy; however all of her suggestions were centered around me jumping out of the cake in various states of undress, so I was left to figure it out on my own- Jane?"

"Hmm?" She must've been thinking a little too hard about Darcy's suggestion- and Thor had noticed. His eyes glinted wickedly. "You would have enjoyed that, wouldn't you? Me, covered in cake." She moved closer to him, until she had to crane her head up to keep eye contact. "Well, we'll never know now, will we? Besides, I highly doubt that that's on the list of 'approved anniversary gifts'".

He bent his head down, his breath hot in her ear. "Perhaps not. But this is." He raised his hand up and cupped her cheek, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb before gently tilting her chin up and bringing her lips to his. And damn it if he didn't taste like frosting. Jane wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

Eventually she had to pull away in order to breathe, but she didn't let him go. Instead she pulled him closer and settled her head in the crook between his shoulder and his neck, closing her eyes. His hands rubbed soothing circles on her back, melting away the day's tension.

When Thor spoke next it was quiet, and all hint of teasing was gone from his voice. "Happy anniversary Jane. You have brought me more happiness than I ever could've imagined." He paused. "Also...I apologize for the state of the kitchen. And your shirt."

She laughed. "Happy anniversary to you too. And there's no need to be sorry for the kitchen- you can reduce it to shambles anytime you want, provided I get a cake out of it. Speaking of which, that may be the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me. I may even have to forgive you for not taking Darcy's suggestion. "

He winked at her, blue eyes twinkling. "Well, there's always next year..."

_The End_

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**Review and Thor may feel inclined to pop out of your birthday cake ;)**


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